I’m beginning a five-part series titled Identity Crisis. The first four posts will be focused on the most common places teen girls misplace their identity and scriptures which contradict those placings. The last post will be about placing your identity in Christ.
A lot of teen girls, myself included, struggle with their identity. I’ve discovered that body image is the most common thing young women misplace their identity in. I was homeschooled up until my freshman year of high school (I’m now a sophomore going on junior). I was extremely sheltered with no friends, and the only place I ever went was church and youth camps. This caused me to be completely oblivious to the “real world”, as one might say. I had no experience with the pressure of looking and dressing a certain way. But as soon as I was thrown into public school, (high school, no less), all of those real-world pressures my parents fought so hard to shelter me from were suddenly front and center on my thought train. I suddenly cared about my appearance much more than I ever had in my whole life. That’s not to say that I didn’t have body image issues before—I certainly did. My image struggles were what inspired me to start my blog in the first place. But high school made them 10 times worse. And the result of all that was this: I began to place my identity in the way I looked. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look pretty. It only becomes an issue when that desire becomes infatuating. When we begin to think that we’re less of a person when we don’t have the latest shoes, hottest outfits, and thinnest body. But sister, let me tell you something: you are so much more than your appearance. Here are three Bible verses to help you place that identity in Christ. 1. Proverbs 31:30 Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. I find it interesting that only “a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised”. It doesn’t say “a woman who always looks better than her friends is to be praised”. We shall be praised when we fear the Lord. This scripture makes it very clear that beauty isn’t what it seems. 2. 1 Samuel 16:7 …For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart. The context of this verse is the story of David being anointed king of Israel. Samuel walked among all seven of David’s older brothers, positive that one of them was to become king solely because they looked the part. But God rejected all of them. When Samuel came upon David, the poor shepherd boy, God said, “He”s the one.” God didn’t care that David’s brothers were all bigger and taller and stronger than he was. He only cared that David’s heart was in the right place. To put it simply: God isn’t concerned about your looks. He’s concerned with the condition of your heart. 3. Genesis 1:27 So God created man in his own image… This verse is very straight-forward. God created you in His image. That means that you are perfectly handcrafted by the Creator of the universe Himself. If God deems you perfect, then what good is the approval of man? These three verses have really helped me to stop placing my identity in my appearance. I still stress about my weight at times, and I still like to dress stylish. But it’s no longer about impressing other people. Anyone who knows me knows that I love makeup. It’s my thing. I have way too many eyeshadow palettes, and my debit card statements have Ulta Beauty all over them. When it comes to makeup, I suddenly become a much bolder version of myself. You’ll never catch me wearing neutral eyeshadow colors; I’m all about the bright and crazy blues, greens, pinks, reds, and purples. But the thing is, I’m not wearing it to impress others. I wear it because I enjoy it. I have genuine fun when I put on makeup and experiment with new looks and colors. The point I’m trying to make with that is this: It’s not wrong to want to look nice, be a healthy weight, and wear makeup. It only becomes detrimental to you when you begin to place all of your self-worth and identity into those things. The world is concerned with how you look on the outside. But what’s more important than that is that God is concerned with how you look on the inside. Instead of placing your identity in your body image, place your identity in Christ.
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I'm starting a series titled "The Struggle Is Real". I'll be writing about the different struggles we as teenage girls go through. Some of the things I'll write about I've already written about, so I'll just re-write them differently.
As we go throughout our daily lives, we're bombarded with images of "perfect women". Our culture is telling us what we have to look like, how we have to dress, and how we have to act. And if we don't measure up to their standards then we're worthless. But how exactly do we know if we measure up? Hollywood has provided us with the answer. The golden ratio is a number (1.62 to be exact) which a certain group claim can be used to measure beauty. This number is used to measure everything from how far apart your eyes are, to how long your head is, to how much space you have between your chin and lips. If you measure really well (basically perfect according to this group), your numbers might hit 10.0. Then you can relax, with the assurance of knowing that you are beautiful. But what if you don't have the "right" numbers? Does that mean you're not pretty? Not at all. The golden ratio is only one way that people determine beauty. Many different people determine beauty in many different ways. There's not a one-size-fits-all mold to what a beautiful woman looks like. God created every woman to look different. He created some with brown eyes, some with green. Some with blonde hair, some with black. Some with white skin, some with brown. Some women are skinnier than others. But just because you look different than the women around you that others are defining as pretty doesn't mean that you're any less beautiful than them. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. One person might think someone is pretty while another person thinks they're not. But what people don't realize is that every single person is beautiful. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. The Bible tells us that God created man and woman in His own image and that it was good. It says that we are all fearfully and wonderfully made. Just because you don't look like the airbrushed supermodels doesn't mean you're not pretty. Today, I decided to tell you guys my story. I know that I've shared bits and pieces of my story, but I wanted to write out the whole thing at one time.
About 2 years ago, I found myself looking into the mirror every day and desperately wishing that I looked different. My dad and his side of the family are from Hawaii so they all have dark hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. My mom is white with green eyes and red hair. I look like my dad. Brown eyes, brown hair, and brown skin. I wished every day that I looked more like my mom. One of my friends also had red hair, so that made me wish that I had red hair even more. I’m also not the skinniest girl out there. I was constantly comparing myself to every other girl around me. Wishing I had their hair. Wishing I had their skin color. Wishing I had their weight. I kept letting Satan tell me that I had no worth because I didn’t look like the “other girls”. I let him convince me that he was right. I told myself every day, “Tiana, you’re ugly. You’re fat. You’re worthless.” And I believed it more every time I said it. I didn’t realize that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I didn't realize that God created me exactly the way He wanted me to look. I didn’t realize it until I went to winter camp with my youth group last November. One of my friends came up to me and started talking to me —keep in mind that I’d never talked to her about any of my beauty struggles— she told me, “I know you’re struggling with your body image. I just really feel like I should tell you that you are beautiful. I know you’ve been hearing that a lot, so I know you probably won’t believe me. But you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God created you exactly how He wanted you to look.” And for some reason, when she said it, I believed it. Even though I had my other friends and my youth pastor telling me the exact same thing, I never believed it until she said it. And I am so glad that I believed it. After that weekend at camp, it wasn’t easy to stop comparing myself to other girls. It took a lot of hard work and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. Every time I looked into the mirror I’d hear Satan’s voice in the back of my head saying, “You’re ugly, remember?” But every time he told me that, I’d just turn around and tell him, “No, I’m a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God, remember?” There were a few steps that I took to ensure that I wouldn’t fall back into Satan’s trap of lies again. First, I started praying on my own. Like really praying. I didn’t want to go back to believing that I was worthless. The next thing I did was go to my friends and youth pastor, tell them what was going on, and ask them to keep me in their prayers. They promised that they’d pray for me. Then I copied Psalm 139:14 on a bunch of strips of paper and hung them all over my house. I hung them on my bedroom ceiling over my bed so it’d be the first thing I saw when I woke up every morning (I have a bunk bed and I sleep on the top so I’m really close to the ceiling ;). I hung them on every single mirror in my house. I stuck them on all my school notebooks. Everywhere I turned, there was the scripture. I read them all throughout the day and just like how the more I told myself that I was ugly I believed it, the more I read the scripture I believed it. Every time I saw a girl that everyone thought was pretty, my first reaction was to compare myself to her. But then I’d stop myself and repeat the scripture over and over and over again to myself until I stopped the comparison. Now, 2 years later, I don’t compare myself hardly at all. I still sometimes compare myself to other girls, but it has become a whole lot easier to stop. I got the inspiration to start my blog when one of my friends started telling me about all her beauty insecurities. How she compared herself to every pretty girl she saw. How she cried herself to sleep because she thought she was worthless and ugly. And then another friend told me that she was going through the same thing. I told them how I used to go through the same exact thing, and I told them everything that I just told you. Then I realized that me and my 2 friends weren’t the only girls who felt that way. There were thousands of girls who feel like they aren’t beautiful, or feel worthless. And when I came to that realization it broke me. I realized that I had to do something about it. I wanted a way to help end the beauty insecurities in the girls around me. I just didn’t know how. So I prayed. I told God that I wanted to help other girls overcome their beauty struggles like I did. That night, I had a dream that I started a blog and in the dream I had girls from all across the world messaging me online and telling me that through my blog they were able to overcome their beauty insecurities. I woke up and God said, “That’s what I want you to do.” So I said, “Okay God, I’ll do it.” I got to work writing my first posts and that night I got on my computer and signed up for a website and set the whole thing up. Then I came across a problem. I had the website set up. I had my first posts. What I didn’t have was a name for my blog. I started praying that God would tell me what He wanted me to name the blog. Out of nowhere, I had a sudden urge to open my Bible. So I grabbed my Bible and just randomly flipped it open and I saw that the book and chapter I had flipped to was Psalm 139. And there in the middle of the page was Psalm 139:14 highlighted in bright pink highlighter from the night at winter camp when my friend talked to me. “Of course,” I thought, “the scripture that started it all.” I asked God, “Is this what you want me to name it?” He said “Yep. Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.” Couldn’t have thought of a better name myself. Don’t give Satan the satisfaction of knowing that you believe the lie that you’re ugly, too fat, too skinny, too dark, too light, or not worthy. You are perfect exactly the way you are because God made you that way. You are fearfully and wonderfully made. I know that many girls my age struggle with their identity. They place their identity in earthly things that will not matter when Judgement Day comes. [The world and it's desires pass away... 1 John 2:17] Here are 3 common places we misplace our identity as teenage girls.
1. Outward Appearance This is quite possibly the number one place where we misplace our identity. [Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as elaborate hairstyles and the wearing of gold jewelry or fine clothes. 1 Peter 3:3] I don't think this scripture is saying that it's wrong to fix our hair, wear jewelry, or wear cute clothes. I think what it's saying is that we shouldn't focus so much on our outward appearance that we don't worry about our inward appearance. (For more on that, check out my last post). It also implies that we should not place our identity in our outward appearance. Your worth is not found in your beauty. The Bible says that when we get to heaven we will have new bodies, so why place our identity in something that isn't going to last? 2. Relationship Status Another place teenage girls misplace their identity is in their relationships. Whether or not they have a boyfriend. Whether or not they have a best friend, or any friends at all. They think that a boyfriend will give them lasting satisfaction. But the truth is, only God can give you lasting satisfaction. Your best friend or group of friends will move on to college after high school, and so will you. I'm not saying that you won't stay friends with your high school bestie, but there is a chance that you won't. You and your boyfriend may get married, or you may not. Or, it might be God's will for you to be single for the rest of your life. I know that may not seem like a pleasant thought to some of you, but it's all up to God. So there's no point in placing your identity in a relationship that has an equal chance of ending as it does lasting. 3. Talents All your talents are 100% God given. Yes, you practice to become good at what you do, but who gave you the ability to practice? God. Whether it's a sport, an instrument, school, or anything else you're good at, you are not defined by how good you are at a certain sport or activity. You should not place your identity in a sport because of the scripture I wrote above [The world and it's desires pass away... 1 John 2:17] When you get to heaven, how much will all your first place trophies and medals matter? We aren't going to be judged by God based on how many A's we got or how well we are at playing guitar. Our identity is found in Christ alone. Not our beauty, boyfriends, best friends, or talents. Everything in the world will pass away. Everything that is so important to us now will be unimportant when we're in heaven. Don't place your identity in earthly things. Place your identity in Christ. Last Tuesday I talked about outer beauty, so today I'm going to talk about inner beauty. People aren't going to only notice your outer beauty. They also notice your inner beauty. Are you displaying the fruit of the Spirit? [But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23] People are gonna know you're a Christian by how you look on the inside. Jesus tells this to His disciples: [Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep's clothing but inwardly are ravenous wolves. You will recognize them by their fruits. Are grapes gathered from thorn bushes, or figs from thistles? So, every healthy tree bears good fruit, but the diseased tree bears bad fruit. A healthy tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a diseased tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Thus you will recognize them by their fruits. Matthew 7:15-20] If you're wondering what trees have to do with us, the trees represent people. If we don't bear good fruit, the fruit of the Spirit, then we will be cut down from God and be thrown into the fire, which is hell. How many hours do you spend every day making your outside look beautiful? What if we spent that much time every day making our inside look as beautiful as our outside? Think about it this way. When you die, do you want people to say "You know, she was really pretty." Or do you want them to say "You know, she was really loving, joyful, peaceful, patient, kind, good, faithful, gentle, and self-controlled. I really saw Jesus in that girl." I know that I personally would much rather be remembered for my love of Christ than for my outer beauty. You should want that too. I used to struggle to show the fruits of the Spirit. Don't get me wrong, I still struggle sometimes, I'm far from perfect, but I'm better than I used to be. The thing that helped me to be better at showing Christ through the fruits of the Spirit, was practicing one new fruit every day. For example, today you'll focus on showing love to everyone around you, no matter how unlovable they may seem. That doesn't mean you disregard the other fruits today, it just means that you'll work extra hard to specifically show love. Then Wednesday you'll work on showing both love and joy. Then Thursday you'll work on love, joy, and peace and so on until you go through all nine fruits. If you need to, start over after you go through all the fruits. Keep starting over every nine days until you are able to show all the fruits every day to everyone. I started over several times until I got better. It won't be easy, trust me, but you'll find that it's so worth it when people start seeing the love of Christ in you. I know you can do it. I'm praying for you!
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MissionIn short, I started this blog because I want to give girls all over the world hope. All of the topics I write about on this blog are things that I have struggled with or am still struggling with. I want to help young women everywhere achieve freedom through Christ. Archives
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