Today, I decided to tell you guys my story. I know that I've shared bits and pieces of my story, but I wanted to write out the whole thing at one time.
About 2 years ago, I found myself looking into the mirror every day and desperately wishing that I looked different. My dad and his side of the family are from Hawaii so they all have dark hair, brown eyes, and brown skin. My mom is white with green eyes and red hair. I look like my dad. Brown eyes, brown hair, and brown skin. I wished every day that I looked more like my mom. One of my friends also had red hair, so that made me wish that I had red hair even more. I’m also not the skinniest girl out there. I was constantly comparing myself to every other girl around me. Wishing I had their hair. Wishing I had their skin color. Wishing I had their weight. I kept letting Satan tell me that I had no worth because I didn’t look like the “other girls”. I let him convince me that he was right. I told myself every day, “Tiana, you’re ugly. You’re fat. You’re worthless.” And I believed it more every time I said it. I didn’t realize that I was fearfully and wonderfully made. I didn't realize that God created me exactly the way He wanted me to look. I didn’t realize it until I went to winter camp with my youth group last November. One of my friends came up to me and started talking to me —keep in mind that I’d never talked to her about any of my beauty struggles— she told me, “I know you’re struggling with your body image. I just really feel like I should tell you that you are beautiful. I know you’ve been hearing that a lot, so I know you probably won’t believe me. But you are fearfully and wonderfully made. God created you exactly how He wanted you to look.” And for some reason, when she said it, I believed it. Even though I had my other friends and my youth pastor telling me the exact same thing, I never believed it until she said it. And I am so glad that I believed it. After that weekend at camp, it wasn’t easy to stop comparing myself to other girls. It took a lot of hard work and prayer. Lots and lots of prayer. Every time I looked into the mirror I’d hear Satan’s voice in the back of my head saying, “You’re ugly, remember?” But every time he told me that, I’d just turn around and tell him, “No, I’m a fearfully and wonderfully made child of God, remember?” There were a few steps that I took to ensure that I wouldn’t fall back into Satan’s trap of lies again. First, I started praying on my own. Like really praying. I didn’t want to go back to believing that I was worthless. The next thing I did was go to my friends and youth pastor, tell them what was going on, and ask them to keep me in their prayers. They promised that they’d pray for me. Then I copied Psalm 139:14 on a bunch of strips of paper and hung them all over my house. I hung them on my bedroom ceiling over my bed so it’d be the first thing I saw when I woke up every morning (I have a bunk bed and I sleep on the top so I’m really close to the ceiling ;). I hung them on every single mirror in my house. I stuck them on all my school notebooks. Everywhere I turned, there was the scripture. I read them all throughout the day and just like how the more I told myself that I was ugly I believed it, the more I read the scripture I believed it. Every time I saw a girl that everyone thought was pretty, my first reaction was to compare myself to her. But then I’d stop myself and repeat the scripture over and over and over again to myself until I stopped the comparison. Now, 2 years later, I don’t compare myself hardly at all. I still sometimes compare myself to other girls, but it has become a whole lot easier to stop. I got the inspiration to start my blog when one of my friends started telling me about all her beauty insecurities. How she compared herself to every pretty girl she saw. How she cried herself to sleep because she thought she was worthless and ugly. And then another friend told me that she was going through the same thing. I told them how I used to go through the same exact thing, and I told them everything that I just told you. Then I realized that me and my 2 friends weren’t the only girls who felt that way. There were thousands of girls who feel like they aren’t beautiful, or feel worthless. And when I came to that realization it broke me. I realized that I had to do something about it. I wanted a way to help end the beauty insecurities in the girls around me. I just didn’t know how. So I prayed. I told God that I wanted to help other girls overcome their beauty struggles like I did. That night, I had a dream that I started a blog and in the dream I had girls from all across the world messaging me online and telling me that through my blog they were able to overcome their beauty insecurities. I woke up and God said, “That’s what I want you to do.” So I said, “Okay God, I’ll do it.” I got to work writing my first posts and that night I got on my computer and signed up for a website and set the whole thing up. Then I came across a problem. I had the website set up. I had my first posts. What I didn’t have was a name for my blog. I started praying that God would tell me what He wanted me to name the blog. Out of nowhere, I had a sudden urge to open my Bible. So I grabbed my Bible and just randomly flipped it open and I saw that the book and chapter I had flipped to was Psalm 139. And there in the middle of the page was Psalm 139:14 highlighted in bright pink highlighter from the night at winter camp when my friend talked to me. “Of course,” I thought, “the scripture that started it all.” I asked God, “Is this what you want me to name it?” He said “Yep. Fearfully and Wonderfully Made.” Couldn’t have thought of a better name myself. Don’t give Satan the satisfaction of knowing that you believe the lie that you’re ugly, too fat, too skinny, too dark, too light, or not worthy. You are perfect exactly the way you are because God made you that way. You are fearfully and wonderfully made.
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MissionIn short, I started this blog because I want to give girls all over the world hope. All of the topics I write about on this blog are things that I have struggled with or am still struggling with. I want to help young women everywhere achieve freedom through Christ. Archives
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