If you have a boyfriend, or even if you don't and there's just some guy that you like, you might have found yourself thinking "is he the one?" It can be hard to know if your boyfriend or your potential boyfriend is the guy God wants you to marry. Here are a few questions to ask yourself before moving too far into a relationship.
1. Is He A Christian? This is the most important question you need to ask. If the answer is no, then he is definitely not the one for you. 2 Corinthians 6:14 says, [Do not be unequally yoked with unbelievers. For what partnership has righteousness with lawlessness? Or what fellowship has light with darkness?] This verse makes it very clear that we are not to be in a relationship with a non-Christian. 2. Does My Family Support Our Relationship? God has placed your family in your life for a reason. Yes, they may get on your nerves. A lot. But they can also provide helpful and godly advice; that is, if they're a Christian. If not, then I encourage you to ask your pastor, youth pastor, or mentor if they think you should move further into the relationship. Ask your parents, siblings, mentor, or another godly role model that is involved in your life. Then listen to them. Whatever they tell you will be for your own good. 3. Is Christ the Central Focus Of Our Relationship? Or is everything about you and him? Do you guys pray together and for each other, do you read the Bible together regularly, serve together, etc? There is nothing wrong with spending time together and talking about yourself and your hopes and dreams for the future, your struggles, and other things in your life. But you and your boyfriend should not be the main focus of your relationship. Jesus should be. 4. Does He Respect My Standards and Boundaries? A guy who truly cares about you will honor your standards. And he'll have a few of his own, too. If he doesn't respect your boundaries and standards, then he's probably not the one for you. There isn't a one-size-fits-all mold when it comes to relationships. But if you answered no to any of these questions, then that is a red flag and maybe you shouldn't go any further in this relationship. Also, don't only ask these questions and if you answered yes to all of them just rush right into a relationship. Pray. Seek God wholeheartedly and listen and wait for Him to speak to you. Keep an open heart and mind. Don't be closed off to what the red flags might be saying just because you like the guy.
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On Friday I asked the question "what is love?". We looked at 1 Corinthians 13, aka the love chapter, for the answer. [Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8] In case you missed Friday's post, you can read it here. We looked at what love is and does on Friday, so today we're going to be looking at what love is not and what it doesn't do.
1. Proud When I just looked up the exact definition of proud, some of the synonyms are joyful, delighted, satisfied, and glad. That doesn't sound so bad, does it? What's wrong with being joyful? Nothing. It's perfectly okay to be proud of yourself when, for example, you finish a difficult assignment or test. But pride for the wrong reasons and in the wrong things is sinful. Pride becomes sinful when you start to think that you're so much better than everyone else and that you can do everything on your own. [Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. Proverbs 16:18] 2. Self-Seeking A self-seeking person is always trying to do things that benefit themselves. They don't do things in regard to others. They're only worried about themselves and what they can gain. 3. Easily Angered If someone is easily angered, that means that they get angry and blow up at the smallest, most insignificant things. If you forget to return their pencil to them and they get really angry at you, then that is not showing love. 4. Dishonor Others To honor someone means to put them and their needs above your own. If you truly love someone then you will worry about them more than yourself. 5. Keep Records of Wrongs If you keep a record of wrongs, that basically means that you hold grudges. I know from personal experience, grudges ruin relationships. 6. Delight In Evil Someone who delights in evil enjoys disobeying God, enjoys disobeying their parents or other authority, they enjoy sinning, etc. 7. Fail Love never fails. Ever. Even when you go through the toughest times, the people who truly love you will always be there for you. So I hope this post has encouraged and challenged you to love people the way the Bible commands us to. I know it's not always easy to love everyone unconditionally all the time, but it's what Jesus did and it's what He wants us to do. So even though it's hard sometimes, I know we can do it with God's help. What is love? Do you know someone loves you when they hug or kiss you? Or maybe when they give you gifts? Those are ways that people show love to one another, but let's take a look at the Bible's definition of love. You probably know that 1 Corinthians 13 is known as the "love chapter". We're going to be looking specifically at verses 4 through 8. [Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.] We're going to dissect this verse and look at each individual thing that love is and isn't, what love does and doesn't do.
Love is Love is not Patient Proud Kind Self-seeking Easily angered Love Does Love Does Not Rejoice with the truth Dishonor others Always protects Keep records of wrongs Always trusts Delight in evil Always hopes Fail Always perseveres We'll look at what love is and what it does today, then we'll look at what love is not and does not do on Tuesday. 1. Patient If you're claiming to love someone, but you're always impatient with them, are you really showing love to them? 2. Kind Kindness is imperative. You can't say that you love someone but are constantly mean to them, constantly putting them down, and never being nice to them. 3. Rejoices With The Truth It was a little difficult for me to come up with an explanation for this one, but I finally got it. I believe that when the writer of this chapter said "truth", they were talking about the Bible and doing right by the Bible. So if you love someone, then you'll rejoice with them in their walk with God as they are faithfully following Him. 4. Always Protects When you love someone and when they love you, you will protect one another. Whether that means physically protecting each other such as when another person attacks one of you, or emotionally protecting them, or protecting their purity, if you love someone, you'll protect them. 5. Always Trusts You can't have love without trust. If you truly love someone, you'll trust them, and vice versa. 6. Always Hopes Love never loses hope. Even when it seems like there's no way out, the people who love you will remain hopeful. 7. Always Perseveres The definition of persevere is: "Continue in a course of action even in the face of difficulty or with little or no prospect of success." If you love someone and if they love you, then they won't leave when trials arise. Come back Tuesday and we'll dissect the rest of the verse. Have you ever felt pressured to be someone you're not? Pressure to look a certain way, act a certain way, or do certain things? I wrote a post about peer pressure last month, and you can check it out here. But today, I'm not going to necessarily be talking about peer pressure. I'm going to be talking about being yourself, and about taking off your mask. Maybe you wear a figurative mask because you don't think people like the real you. Or maybe it's because you want to be accepted into a certain group and they won't accept you the way you are. So you put on this facade, or mask, so that no one knows the real you. You think, "No one can see through me. Everyone is believing this lie that I'm living." Oh yeah, that too. If you're pretending to be someone you're not, you're living a lie. A big, fat lie. But even if you manage to fool everyone around you, you could never fool God. He knows every single little thing about you. Psalm 139:1 says [Lord, you have examined me and know all about me.] So according to this scripture, God sees right through your fake facade. There is absolutely no point in putting on a fake front to get others to like or accept you. If you have to change who you are to be accepted by a certain group, friend, or guy, then they are not the right people for you. You don't want to get into a group that only accepts you because of who you pretend to be. You want friends and a boyfriend who will truly love and accept you for who you really are, not for your mask. Do not try to change the creation that God made to try to fit in or be liked by people. If they don't like you for who you are, then that's their loss. And you definitely don't have to change who you are for God to accept you. Yes, we're all sinners who don't deserve God's love or acceptance, but as I showed you above, God already knows everything about you. He created you, He created your personality, He created your looks, He created everything about you. If He created you, He'll accept you. Your parents love you for who you are. Your pastor and your youth pastor love you for who you are. Your friends will love you for who you are if they're true friends. When you hear that little voice in your head saying "Hey, you're not good enough. You have to change who you are for people to love and accept you. No one could ever like the real you." That is the devil himself. When you hear him talking to you like that, turn around and put him in his place. Don't listen to him. Don't listen to anyone else who says you have to change who you are. Just be the real you.
So you and your bestie are hanging out after school, and she's sharing the latest juicy news about everyone. When she pauses for a breath, you keep it going. After you guys are done taking about all the girls you like, the girls you don't like, and everyone else, you start to wonder if what you're doing is wrong. Is it wrong to gossip about people, even if they hand you a reason to gossip about them? The answer is yes. It is very wrong. If you struggle in this area, let me help you. Here are a few scriptures to use as filters for when it comes to talking about others.
1. Ephesians 4:29 Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen. Is what you're saying wholesome? Is what you're saying going to build up whoever you're talking about? If the answer is no to either question, then don't say it. 2. Luke 6:31 Treat others the same way you want them to treat you. Would you want whoever you're talking about to say that same thing about you? If not then don't say it. 3. Philippians 4:8 Whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report, if there be any virtue, if there be any praise, think on these things. Is what you're going to say true, honest, just, pure, lovely, of good report, virtuous, and praise worthy? If you can't say yes to all of those, then don't say it. 4. Ephesians 5:4 Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk nor crude joking... Is what you're going to say filthy, foolish, or crude? If the answer is yes, then don't say it. The thing about gossip is that people always think that they can talk about people and that they'll never find out. But why take the risk of someone finding out? Even if you think you're being discreet, someone might pass by you as you and your bestie are gossiping about someone and they go tell whoever you're talking about. If that person finds out, you've likely lost a friendship or at least their trust. Proverbs 11:13 says [A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy person keeps a secret.]. And did you know that on judgement day, you're going to have to give account for every time you gossip? That means that you'll have to explain to Jesus why you were gossiping about his child. [I tell you, on the day of judgment people will give account for every careless word they speak. Matthew 12:36] So even if the person you're talking about never finds out, you're going to have to have a conversation with God about every careless word that you speak. That's a conversation I really don't want to have, and you probably don't want to have it either. So next time you and you friends are talking bout someone, put your words through this filter. |
MissionIn short, I started this blog because I want to give girls all over the world hope. All of the topics I write about on this blog are things that I have struggled with or am still struggling with. I want to help young women everywhere achieve freedom through Christ. Archives
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